BEING LONELY........

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 It's not that I don't want to be with people, but every attempt I've made to form meaningful bonds has ended in heartbreak. Those I've trusted have exploited my vulnerability, leaving me shattered and bewildered. I'm left questioning what I overlooked, what fundamental aspect of human nature I failed to grasp. Was I blind to the warning signs, ignorant of the complexities of the human heart, or simply naive to the cruelties that others are capable of?

Ever since my heart was crushed, I've found myself observing people from a distance, merely existing as I navigate the remaining race of my life. There are times when loneliness makes me cry, big as I look, tears run down my face. Some days I find myself standing on the side roads yearning for someone to share my achievements with, or to offer comfort when I need it most. I long to hear those reassuring words: "Everything will be okay."

Being lonely has been a harsh yet an effective teacher. I've learned to be alone, to be immune to the negativity that surrounds me. I've developed a resilience that enables me to endure insults, mockery, and bullying. I've become adept at reading people, sensing when they're tired of me or when they're being dishonest. I can interpret the subtle cues, the tone of voice, and the body language that reveals their true intentions.

When I'm happy, I celebrate with myself. I relive the moment, replaying it in my mind, and applauding my own accomplishments. It's a peculiar yet comforting ritual, one that brings me joy without fear of judgment or ridicule. As someone who stammers, I've found refuge in being alone, free from the scrutiny and laughter of others.

The best thing about being lonely is daydreaming. My mind becomes a canvas, a realm where I can travel, explore, and create without limits. I can be anyone, achieve anything, and experience the world in all its beauty and wonder. One minute I get a selfie with Rihanna, the other second, I sign a contract to write movies for Tyler Perry. But, as alluring as these fantasies may be, they're waves that disappear the moment they touch the shores, leaving me to confront the harsh reality of my isolation.

Sometimes, loneliness becomes overwhelming, and I'm always consumed by regret and doubt. I sometimes wonder why I even exist, especially in times when the pain becomes almost unbearable. But even in those dark moments, I find refuge in the imaginations that run through my mind. I know that things will change, that someday, someone will come along and whisper those precious words in my ear: "I love you."



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